Good Grief! This is a favorite lament of Charlie Brown, but if you are grieving, you know it’s not funny. When we grieve, our heart rate increases and adrenaline and hydrochloric acid production are increased. It is not unusual to experience a sensation of numbness, pain along the breastbone, and sinus congestion when grieving. In Asian medicine, the lungs and large intestines are associated with grief. Being grief stricken for extended periods can lead to a weakened immunity. But crying can be a great release, so don’t fight the tears. Crying helps provide emotional release that lowers blood pressure and muscular tension. Chemicals released in tears include endorphin, which helps relieve pain. Suppressing tears can make us more vulnerable to disease. You can also support the body with these strategies.
GOOD TO KNOW!
Vitamin B complex (50 mg daily) is a great ally during times of emotional distress, as our supply of B vitamins is quickly diminished.
GOOD TO GROW!
A formula for heartbreak-type sorrow is made with 2 parts hawthorn leaf, flower, or berry, 1 part motherwort, 2 parts lemon balm herb, and 1 part violet leaves. Make them into a tea and drink 3 cups (705 ml) daily.
HERBS THAT PROVIDE COMFORT
Herbs can provide comfort during times of grief. Consider the benefits of calming hops, lemon balm, and passionflower. Saint-John’s-wort is beneficial when you are worn out from sobbing. Gardenia can cheer you. It is known in Chinese medicine as “the happiness herb.” Use these herbs in tea, tincture, or capsule form three times daily.
SOOTHING HOMEOPATHIC REMEDIES
A good homeopathic remedy for sorrow is Ignatia. Use it for grief, loss, and hysteria and for disappointment in love or the death of a loved one. It’s also indicated if you can’t sleep or are nervous and shake. Also, it helps for those bereaved individuals who strongly identified with the person lost and feel they cannot exist without them. Take 3 pellets under the tongue 3 times daily as needed.
ESSENTIAL OILS AND FLOWER ESSENCES THAT PROVIDE COMFORT
Essential oils can stimulate chemical changes in brain chemistry by opening different neural pathways. Adding some essential oils to a bath can be a good way to let the tears flow. Helpful essential oils include cedarwood, clary sage, cypress, frankincense, geranium, ginger, grapefruit, hyssop, lavender, lemon balm, jasmine, marjoram, neroli, orange, rose, rosemary, or ylang-ylang. Let the water out and visualize your sadness going down the drain as you stay in the tub for a few moments.
Essential oils are absorbed through the skin and when used topically can be a way of nurturing and relaxing specific parts of our being. You can also make an essential oil blend by putting two drops of essential oil in one ounce (28 ml) of vegetable oil and massaging over the heart and lungs. Apply some rose oil gently over the solar plexus to dispel grief and bring comfort. Melissa oil is good for heartbreak over a love relationship. You can also use these oils in a diffuser.
Flower essences have been used since the research of Dr. Edward Bach in the early 1900s. They have been found to have subtle though transforming properties for the emotional body. Take 2 drops in a glass of water 3 times daily if needed. Flower essences that are helpful include the following:
• Bleeding heart: For grief related to the loss of a love or separation; helps to foster peace and detachment.
• Mustard: For deep gloom that comes on strong then suddenly leaves.
• Star of Bethlehem: For great physical shock and trauma such as rape, injury, robbery, and accidents—it can also be used when one is having a difficult time coping with death of a pet or loved one. Dr. Edward Bach calls this “the comforter and soother of pains and sorrows”.
SOOTHING PRACTICES THAT ALLEVIATE GRIEF
Besides crying, groaning is a sound you can use to help dissipate sadness and pain. While groaning, think of the reason for your suffering. When you exhale, visualize the sorrow being exhaled from your body. Stand facing the rising sun and let its rays beam on your heart. Visualize the sun healing the grief. Breathe!
Rest is always an important healer of grief. As we heal from the trials of grief, travel can also help the heart and give us new perspectives. The color violet is a good color to wear, visualize, and surround yourself with when needing to heal feelings of grief. Practice deep slow breathing to cleanse the emotions of grief. Exercise can also raise dopamine levels. Time is a great healer.
SOOTHING PRACTICES THAT ALLEVIATE HEARTBREAK
We often assume that the jubilance of love can carry us through life and conquer all problems and differences. But when one partner has completed the lessons needed and the other hasn’t, the partner wanting to end the relationship can feel sad and guilty and the one being left can feel heartsick. If you are the one being left, loss and separation can cause feelings similar to death of a loved one. Here’s how to move on.
You may want to have a closing ritual. Place a photo of your ex, a sprig of rosemary (for remembrance), and a candle in a bowl filled with sand or dirt. Anoint the candle with a fragrance that reminds you of your ex and etch his or her name into the candle. Light the candle with a prayer of thanks for the lessons learned in the relationship and as it burns down reflect or write in your journal about the relationship. Make a list of what you have learned.
Make a list of all the reasons the relationship could not have survived. Write about how each of you benefited one another. Be willing to look at any part of you that may have contributed to the ending; then let go of it. Write about what you will look for in a new partner. This is very soul cleansing. Give your story a title. Allow the candle to burn itself out.
It can also help to write your ex a letter, for your eyes only. Use this as an opportunity to collect your thoughts, getting everything off your chest. Vent venomously! Include a list of all their flaws. Eventually you may want to send a modified version (without the bad language) to them. Or burn it. The important thing is to clear it out of you.
Here are some other suggestions for mending a broken heart:
1. Avoid calling or running to your ex-partner when you are sad, scared, or depressed. Calling just to “check in” should be minimized. Listening to the same music and hanging out where you hope you will run into him or her keeps you thinking too much of the past and causes you to avoid new experiences.
2. Remove mementos. Put your ex’s belongings into a box and return things with a minimum of drama. Be fair about giving back heirlooms and expensive things that were not gifts. It is not worth fighting over CDs or books that can easily be replaced.
3. Clean everything. Feng shui your home. Burn some sage or artemesia to clear the air.
4. Get busy. Enjoy new experiences. Improve the way you look. Get into health. Exercise helps lift depression. Practice yoga.
5. Quit bad habits. Overdoing alcohol, drugs, and junk food will only make this time more difficult.
GOOD TO KNOW!
According to color therapists and gemologists, the color violet is good to wear and visualize when you are experiencing grief. Sleep with a rose quartz in your hand and your dreams may have a healing effect on your heart.
6. Put energy into your career. Develop talents and work on personal growth. Take a class. Read self-help books. Learn a new language. Start enjoying all the things you were unable to while in the relationship.
7. Call a few of your best friends over and allow them to cheer you up. Seek out those who want to see you happy and avoid negative people. Call friends you neglected during the relationship.
8. Tell your friends not to give you constant gossip reports about who your ex has been seen with and where (unless you really need to know). Ask friends who invite you to gatherings to inform you if your ex will be there to avoid surprises and so you can choose whether you still want to attend. Go dancing with friends. Get out there and flirt!
9. Make an appointment with a spiritual counselor or therapist to process unexpressed feelings and help resolve them.
10. Next time you run into your ex, let him or her see the new improved version! If he or she is with a new love, walk over and introduce yourself, making it sweet but brief. Show you have class! If you are at a party and you are both alone, say hello but refrain from leaving and having sex. Continuing to sleep with someone when the relationship is really over prolongs pain.
KEEP IN MIND
Time is a great healer. Be glad for the happiness and lessons you shared. Hopefully you have learned things that can be of value in other aspects of life and future relations. Sometimes the one who was left fares better than the one who left, as the hurt person has to look at him or herself and do emotional healing. Let go of the old to make room for the new!
This How To Fix a Broken Heart article is taken from :
The Country Almanac of Home Remedies - Brigitte Mars
